Yesterday was an interesting day filled with so many emotions. As I pondered the day, looking out at the moonlight and hearing the rustling of the leaves on the trees, I wondered about the human experience here on this planet.
I was taking a break from studying and writing in the morning and a dear friend called me. I saw her name come up on my phone and a smile broke out on my face. I answered immediately, so glad to hear her voice.
However, the news she was to deliver made my heart so very sad. A friend and co-worker we had worked with a few years ago took her own life and would be buried today. I was speechless. How could this have happened? She was so vibrant and alive and fun. And she had three children she loved so much.
After we hung up, I pulled up our friends facebook page. I wanted to see her beautiful face. I wanted to know why. Was I hoping that some magical answer would hop off the computer screen? I don’t know. Maybe I was. These things are always so hard to comprehend. How can it get THAT bad, I wondered. I sat for a few minutes to reflect on her life and the moments we had shared together.
The sun was shining and the weather was warm. I moved on with my day and drove to my training session at the gym. I talked with our deceased friend while driving, hoping she would respond. Nothing. Just my own thoughts and sad heart is all I could hear and feel.
I finished my workout and rushed to the food cooperative to pick up a going away care package for a young girl who has been my assistant since the spring of this year. She would be leaving to move to California, her flight departing at 3pm.
Traffic was crazy and I was eager to get home and wrap my package with a decorative bag and bow. However, construction and traffic was not going to allow that to happen. And as I drove watching the clock tick away, my frustration grew , I wanted my going away gift to be perfectly presented and I wanted to ensure I was not in my gym clothes as I said goodbye!
The clock continued to tick away and I took a couple deep breaths and said to myself – “what is the most important thing here?” “That I see her and be with her as she takes her first step on her new journey.” I knew she didn’t care about the clothes I wore, she cared that I was there and supporting her.
I drove straight to her home and gave her all the little goodies I had purchased for her, some yummy bread and alternative therapy staples I knew she would need.
She was thrilled. Her father and I drove her to the airport and helped her get her boarding pass and her bags checked. It was time to say goodbye and to send her off. It was sad. She and I have grown very close to one another and she has taught me a great deal. I thought -“wow, this is what a parent feels like when they send their kid to college or see them fly off on their own to a new adventure.” You need to let them soar but you need to let them know that you will be there! The smile on her face told me that this was the right thing.
I drove back to my house and made myself a salad with all its “fixins.” A ritual that my assistant and I have shared almost daily for the last six months. I thought of her and the silence in the house was not welcome. I would give anything to have her sitting there at the kitchen table talking to me, poking fun at my weird ways and sharing her day with me.
So instead, I picked up my phone and sent her a text: “Love you!” .. I was just in time, right before she would board the plane. Shortly thereafter my text message buzzed and there she was, returning my love. And my heart knew that all was ok and she and I would still be connected. And god forbid if anything were to happen to her, she knew that I love her.
I went on with my day and one of my dear friends came to help me sort out some technical stuff that I need to understand to move forward with my business. She is a true friend who stands by you no matter what life presents to us.
We worked on the computer for a bit and my friend from this morning sent a text to say she was on her way over , she had just been to the funeral home.
The doorbell rang and my face lit up at the site of this dear friend who I haven’t seen in almost a year. Her face sad but happy to see me at the same time. We sat down at the kitchen table and she shared the details of what happened to our mutual co-worker and friend.
Shocked, stunned, perplexed, sad, bewildered were all the emotions that came to the surface. I closed my eyes and tried to access our friend in the spiritual part of our universe. Again – nothing. I am sure she is with her boys trying to help them through. Lots of love, light and healing my sweet, fun friend. I hope to connect with you in my dreams and thoughts soon.
My friend and I caught up at my kitchen table. We laughed and laughed and our hearts cried for our friend. After a time, she said her goodbyes and I went to my computer to collect my thoughts. I listened to the trees and the quietness of the night.
How can one day be filled with so many emotions? How can one person be happy and eager to start a new journey in their life, when one person perceives their life to be so dark, that they take their life? I don’t know the answers to those questions, other than “to live is to be human.” And I am filled with gratitude and love knowing these two people have been in my life. I found this quote from Sandra Bullock, it’s perfect!
Blessings and Loving Light,
Kimberley
